Your dream job is waiting for you!

Oh really? I didn't realize browsing the Internet all day long while eating foie gras nigiri and practicing wizardry was a profession.

I started writing the sarcastic statement above after receiving a spam email proclaiming my dream job was just lounging about somewhere, waiting for me to seize it (so long as I signed up for this website and paid a certain fee to ensure I would get a chance to realize what it is).

But as hard as I tried at being pessimistic, I realized it was actually quite difficult to list things that couldn't be a real profession, or was something that someone wasn't already doing and making a living.

Things that sound ideal which come to mind include: eating for a living (Food Network contest judges), traveling the world and eating (Anthony Bourdain), doing absolutely nothing (Kim Kardashian -- except, well... did everyone forget HOW she became famous??).

Somehow, somewhere, someone has figured out how to make money from doing something. And as nice as those aforementioned things may be to actually make a living off of, I don't think I would be satisfied. The problem herein lies within me being completely indecisive about what I want to do. I did realize as of late, however, that worrying about whether it's actually viable is just an unnecessary hinderance. There's always a way to make a living.

What we need to survive is actually pretty minimal, if you can bear living modestly.

I'm looking for the only thing that I love doing so much that I could never put it down. It's a breath of fresh air when I meet someone who is so passionate about what they do, I can't differentiate the line between when they're working, and when they're just doing it for fun.

I want to find my one thing.

The biggest part holding me back is well, me. There have been plenty of dreams I've discarded that I'm much too ashamed to admit -- and I've tried to make amends to myself by at least pursuing a career where I had creative freedom. Ultimately, your unhappiness will catch up to you as you realize your heart's just not into it. I think this past year has been my point of realization.

I keep thinking that maybe the more I pursue whatever it is I'm doing, the more I'll get into it, and be better at it.

No, I'm only more unhappy.

It's been a strange week of introspection as I analyze the impending stress and possible doom that comes with my approaching graduation.

Maybe it's not too late to change directions.